And so I woke up today, with the sound of Pavarotti, the best ever recording of Nessun Dorma, Lincoln Centre 1979. Listen to it, close your eyes, feel the pathos. Dilegua oh notte, Tramontate stelle, Tramontate stelle, All’alba vincero’, Vincero’, Vincero’.
It erupted in my heart, my head, my soul. I was crying profusely, unable, unwanting to do anything. Just paralysed by the beauty of music, the portentuous lyrics, the clarity of the message.
It took me sometime to recompose myself and get going. And get going included reading the news, staying abreast of developments, catching up with friends, loved ones. And that included good and bad things, happy and sad, worries and relief. This is a constant helter skelter. It takes a skilled navigator to fend off the obstacles which abound on everyday path.
I remember the Twin Towers. Don’t we all. That was a landmark, not just in the way our lives are shaped and carried out, but especially in the way we feel about others and about our finite lives. Dare I say we became better persons as a consequence? I certainly feel I did. More compassionate, more caring, way more selfless. Did we learn to reposition our priorities? I think so. That was 2001. And sadly we had several follow up episodes to refresh our memory in the years since.
However, and I am no sociologist, I guess human survival instinct pushed us to put those memories in a corner, maybe get a bit tougher in our hearts to avoid too much suffering and fear. We all think, well ok, no one around me suffered, or business as usual, we won’t let terrrorists change our way of life, or let’s not let this upset us and let us instead concentrate on work, beauty, family, life, because those are the things that matter.
But apart from the initial tsunami in our lives that September 11 brought, I do not remember anything like the mood swings and turmoil that the virus (or is that the solitude that comes from lockdown) brings.
Anyway, the hours passed, I read, I cooked, I ate, I spoke with friends (thank you whatsapp), I tidied up, did some exercise. This afternoon I was listening to some light music and this song came on
There had been other songs before, beautiful, maybe a bit sad, romantic. Nothing happened. This one had me in a flood of tears. Some words. E’ la voglia di sognare che ci fa dimenticare una vita fatta solo di giornate ad aspettare, It is the wish to dream that makes us forget a life made only of days waiting.
Is that what is going to be like? It’s been only a week, and I am so very privileged, yet so emotionally upset. Big house, garden, nice neighbours. What the hell is going on with the rest of the country? The vast majority is locked in small flats, with family members they aren’t used spending so much time with, with very limited access to the outdoors (people are being fined heavily for breaking the rules). How will everybody cope? they keep on telling us we haven’t reached the peak yet. My guess is that we’ll be in lockdown for another three months. How will we come out of this and what type of persons will we be at the end? Will we this time keep the lessons learned with us without resorting to cold BAU (business as usual)?
I don’t know how, but yes I do find the strength to hope that everything will be alright. People have been hanging sheets from their windows with the writing Tutto andra bene on. We all want to believe everything will be alright although we know that not everyone will be alright. I am telling others so. But every now and then my heart misses a beat. For now though, that is me and Pavarotti.
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